Yesterday morning, my mother sent me a link to an Instagram post that read:
“Are you looking for Love or a List? What if God brings you love but love looks different than everything on the list of what you’re looking for? Will you accept it or reject it?”
In all honesty, my immediate thought was to reject. In the process of mentally rejecting the idea, I texted my mother back asking if love was enough.
After a tangent of words (because my mother never answers questions with a direct yes or no) she said yes it is because she never had a checklist.
Me: What is your definition of love?
Mom: Love is a feeling.
Me: Really? You don’t think it is an act?
Me: Ok. So what is being in love?
Me: You can’t explain it huh?
Me: Because being in love is a feeling.
Mom: Yes it is.
Me: Ok so what is love?
Mom: Love is when they take you out to eat. When they support you.
Me: Aren’t those acts of love?
Mom: Yeah, but love is for the moment.
Me: Ok. People fall out of love all the time, so what sustains a relationship/marriage?
Mom: Compatibly and communication.
She went on to say that she fell out of love with her husband a couple of times but she was able to fall back in love.
If I go off my mother’s definition (Love is a feeling/ love is in the moment), then that still is not enough. Love does not pay bills. Love can lack responsibility and accountability.When that feeling passes, what is left?
Love can be the foundation but it does not complete the structure. In my personal opinion, the basis of all relationships should start and end with respect. Respect is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. If you can’t respect your significant other, you won’t be able to accept them. And acceptance is a key factor to love. You accept the person for who they are and not who you want them to be.
So, to answer my own question, love is not enough. Feelings come and go. You have to bring more to the table.
For the record, my list does not consist of superficial qualities that can not be attained. My check list guy is:
- A God-fearing man. I am not big on going to church these days ( I live in Atlanta), but I want a man that will pray for me and with me.
- Financially Literate/Stable. Working a 9 to 5 is fine, but I don’t want to work my whole life. I want a man willing to devise a plan that will have us retired no later than 60. Math is not my forte so it would be great if that is one of his strong suits. This includes knowledge of saving, investing, loans, interest, etc.
- Reads at his leisure. “The best way to hide something from a n*gger is to put it in a book.” I need my checklist guy to always strive to better himself. He needs to always thirst for knowledge. There is nothing wrong with seeking advice and knowledge from someone, but I want him to be man enough to do the research and seek answers for himself.
- Open-minded. This one is non-negotiable. One of my favorite quotes is: “People listen with the intent to reply versus the intent to understand.” If he is open-minded, he is likely open to change. Willing to listen and solve problems that arise. More that anything, he is respectful of others’ thoughts, opinions, and cultural differences.
- Willing to be cultured. This is a continuation of #4. I plan to travel the world. I want a man that will respect the people and places that we go to. I want him to be able to see the beauty in other people’s cultures and the world.
- Positive/Optimistic. I am pessimistic to the max. We both can’t look at the glass as half empty!